Joint Bachelor/Bachelorette Party?

These days, there is a growing trend toward having combined Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties instead of celebrating separately. Hey - the more the merrier, right? For some, this provides an alternative to the drunken debauchery of traditional stag nights. For others, there is just as much debauchery (if not more) when the sexes join forces for a night on the town. Here is a quick rundown of the Who/What/When/Where/Why of joint Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties:

Who? 
The entire wedding party should be invited, plus any other close friends or family members that you want to join the fun. This can be a terrific celebration to open up to a lot of different people, some of whom may not be included in other wedding events. On the other hand, you may want a more intimate gathering, involving only a few of your closest friends. There are no rules, so you and your groom decide what type of bash will suit you best. There is a good chance that members of your wedding party will want to organize the festivities for you (traditionally, the Best Man and Maid of Honor take on this duty, but that's certainly flexible), in which case you should let them…just make sure they know what you're hoping for. This will help alleviate some of your responsibilities, which will be a welcome treat during this busy time!

What? 
What exactly do you do at a joint Bachelor/Bachelorette Party, you ask? Well, the united nature of this adventure means that a night of chugging beer at the nudie bar is out (or maybe not), and a relaxing afternoon of being pampered at the spa is a no-go (again, not necessarily). The point here is that you can choose to do anything that you want. A couple of things that you may want to think about:

• You could make the theme of the main event have to do with the two of you as a couple. Involve the group in something that you enjoy doing as a twosome such as fishing, cooking, playing pool, eating dim sum, going to the beach…whatever floats your boat that would make for a fun group activity.
• Consider teaming up for Guys v. Girls games to get everyone involved and mingling with one another. There's nothing like a little competition (fueled by a glass of champagne or two, perhaps) to draw even the most timid partygoers out of their shells! One great starter idea is the 'Newlywed Game' for which you have a couple of your closest friends or family members devise trivia questions about your history as a couple. Whichever team answers the most questions correctly wins a highly coveted prize such as a round of drinks from the losing team.
• Novelty is a great conversation starter. Think about having everyone participate in a new activity as a group, such as a Salsa dancing class or a Thai cooking lesson. Be creative!

When? 
This really depends on the proximity of your guests. If most people live nearby, it may be preferable to have the party well in advance of the big day. This way, you will avoid the lasting effects of a great evening out (otherwise known as hangovers and overtiredness) from affecting wedding guests - and most importantly, you and your fiancé - during the official wedding events. However, if many of your friends and family members are traveling to be with you for your big day, don't ask them to do it twice. You can plan for the party to occur just a couple of days before the wedding, although if you plan for a late night it is a good idea to leave as large a time gap as possible between this soiree and your other engagements.

Where? 
While some couples choose to take an elaborate weekend away to Vegas, the beach or somewhere equally indulgent, it is important to consider how much of a financial hit you are asking your pals to take on your behalf. Chances are, they will spend a pretty penny to travel to your wedding if they're coming from out of town, not to mention the getups that the wedding party will have to spring for, as well as gifts, etc. Unless you're certain that an extended getaway won't require anyone to spend an uncomfortable amount of dough, it is probably a good idea to limit the merriment to one day or evening in your area.

Why? 
Why not? Many couples share mutual friends, and would miss the company of their buddies of the opposite sex on their big night out. Also, you may simply want to have your other half with you on what will surely be a memorable occasion! If you're torn between wanting some time with the ladies (and for him with his guys) and wanting to share the event with your groom-to-be, in this case you can have your cake and eat it too! You can split the evening in two parts, either beginning or ending with a joint party. Remember: You're calling the shots (and maybe drinking a few, too), so have fun!

10 Generic Wedding Gifts to Avoid at All Costs

One of the most symbolic elements of weddings, right up there with cutting the cake and strolling down the aisle, is the giving of wedding gifts. However, many guests fail in this department. Thanks to Hollywood and movies, we have painted a picture of what an acceptable wedding gift is and few people are brave enough to wander off of that path. The result is a new bride and groom inundated with household appliances and doo-dads they don't really need, or, if they do need them, they receive more than one. If you want to avoid this generic gift giving trap, read this article and avoid these 10 gifts like the plague!

1) Coffee Makers
Mention the words "wedding gift" in a crowded room and most people will instantly think of this. That alone should be a tip-off to not give a coffee maker to a new couple. These days more and more couples are waiting to get married. By the time they do, they most likely already live together and this household appliance was already taken care of long ago.

2) Toasters
Ditto for toasters. Not only did the bride or groom's parents already buy them one, they most likely already own one. Buying generic household appliances as wedding gifts also just screams "I put no real thought or effort into this." It advertises the fact that you stayed on the safe side and took that common path. If this isn't the message you want to send with your gift, avoid all appliances.

3) Picture Frames
It's easy to make this mistake. Many guests think "Hmm, wedding and honeymoon pictures. Why not get them a frame to put them all in?" It sounds logical, but unfortunately, almost every other guest is probably thinking the exact same thing. Plus, picture frames are not very hard to find. It's very likely that the bride and groom already have some, most likely received as gifts from other guests. For this reason, don't buy them picture frames unless you know they truly need or want one. If you really think the idea of picture frames would fly with this particular couple, consider giving them with a picture of your friendship or of them early in their relationship already in it.

4) Engraved Wine Glasses
This seems original, thoughtful, and you might wonder why it's on this list. However, a bride we interviewed for this article (who chose to remain anonymous) told us a story from her wedding day. As it turned out, she received these from multiple guests, and remembers thinking "Geez, how many more sets of wine glasses with our names and anniversary are we going to get? Enough is enough!" Engraved wine glasses are also something brides and grooms often already have for use at their wedding reception.

5) Fruit Baskets
Next on the generic wedding gifts list is the proverbial fruit basket. This too seems like a nice safe gift until you ask yourself, "Would I really want a basket of apples, oranges, and fruits I could easily get at the supermarket?" If the answer is no, it's probably no for the bride and groom, too. Besides, as we've mentioned - someone else probably already got them one. Or two.

6) Anything you carry to the reception itself
It is apparently considered poor form to bring your wedding gift directly to the wedding or ceremony. The general consensus seems to be that mailing it or giving it shortly before or after the wedding is the best way to go. Bringing it to the ceremony makes the atmosphere seem like that of a birthday party, which it clearly isn't. Sadly, many, many guests still do this. So don't be one of them! If you have no other option other than bringing your gift to the reception, deliver it to the table for gifts or to a member of the wedding party first thing.

7) Bathroom Mats
Nothing signals the beginning of a yawning snoozefest like bathroom mats. A general rule you should adopt is to assume that the couple probably has all the generic household items they will need for the foreseeable future. Items like this are also a matter of personal preference. They will probably want to decide for themselves what colors, sizes, etc. to go with their home decor. So just avoid buying them, and you should be in the clear!

8) Candle Holders
Let's face it - candlelit dinners are very nice and romantic, but not every couple feels the same. Therefore, this seemingly safe gift might actually be consigned to the "ugh, I knew someone would buy us this" pile! Clearly, this isn't what you are going for, so try and avoid this one unless you know for certain that the couple enjoys using candles in their interior decorating.

9) Gift Cards to "Borderline" Restaurants
Restaurant gift cards are fine - IF they are for a classy, upscale restaurant befitting of a new bride and groom. If this sounds like a gift you want to give, go ahead, but try to avoid "borderline" locations. These are restaurants that seem classy, and may be perfectly fine for Saturday nights out with friends, but really aren't the kind of place you want to give cards to as wedding gifts. Places like Chilis, Applebees, and TGI Fridays come to mind. As a rule of thumb, don’t give gift cards to restaurants that you feel you could go to in casual attire.

10) Scrapbooks 
Finally, a perennial generic wedding gift is the average, garden variety "do it yourself" scrapbook. The idea is that the bride and groom can spend idle nights on their honeymoon putting pictures into it and creating a lasting record of their memories. It sounds nice, and may actually work with some couples, but you shouldn't count on it. Other guests will probably give them one and it's another one of those gifts that really just advertises how little thought you put into the matter.

In the end, the goal is to give something that makes the bride and groom think of you when they see or use it. So don’t give a gift just because it’s what is expected. Give out of your genuine care for this newly married couple.

How To Handle Conflict Between Bridesmaids

There’s nothing like choosing a bridesmaid’s dress to bring about a catfight between otherwise friendly gals. There are a number of other issues of monumental importance to contend with during the wedding planning process, all of which will eventually lead to the same outcome: Conflict between bridesmaids, which will require your inner bridezilla to emerge in order to restore order. Nobody wants that, and in fact it is the job of the bridesmaids to do what they can to help the wedding preparations go as smoothly as possible for the bride so that she is able to enjoy the journey up to and through her big day. In other words, bridesmaids, simmer down and get along…or at least pretend to! Here are some tips to help avoid and alleviate tension between attendants.

Plan Ahead When Choosing Your Bridesmaids
The bride should definitely take temperament and history into account when choosing her wedding party. If two of your leading ladies are alpha females who won’t back down, or have had trouble getting along in the past, chances are there might be some discord over duties if they’re both involved. If you’re faced with this dilemma, the safest rule of thumb is that blood is thicker than water; meaning that if your sister doesn’t get along with your college roommate, your sister would take priority for a spot in your lineup. However, there are often extenuating circumstances and friends who act more like family than your closest relatives do, so you should definitely take your individual situation into account and remember: IT’S YOUR DAY, so ultimately you must make the choice that you feel most comfortable with, and nobody should second guess your decision. If you feel badly about leaving somebody out of your wedding party, consider asking them to perform another important duty such as cutting the cake, attending to the guest book, or convincing dear old Dad to show off his funky chicken skills on the dance floor (not as traditional, but definitely as memorable as the cake cutting!).

Maid of Honor is allowed to Pull Rank
If there is a dispute between bridesmaids and it includes the Maid of Honor, she is allowed the final say in any wedding or party planning decisions. That’s right, if Betty Lou Bridesmaid argues that the Bachelorette Party stripper should have hair on his chest and sport a porno moustache, while Molly McMaid of Honor believes that any respectable stripper should be waxed and oiled, then the bride should definitely enjoy some hair-free, glistening adult entertainment during her soiree. End of discussion. The other side of this decree is that with the rank comes responsibility. The Maid of Honor is ultimately in charge of the planning and execution of all things bridesmaid, and is also the bride’s last line of defense against planning-induced insanity. Therefore, her duties need to be taken seriously and performed with care.

The Squeaky Wheel Gets Her Own Road
If you know in advance that one attendant does not play well with others, and you feel as if she must be included in your wedding party (generally this should only be the case if she’s close family or has saved your life in combat), it might save everyone a lot of headaches if she is given individual responsibilities that do not require her to work with the group. For example, she might be asked to be in charge of Bridal Shower or Bachelorette Party invitations after important details such as place, time, theme and quantity of stripper hair have already been decided upon.

Keep it in perspective
At the end of the day, it is important to remember that the primary job of all of the bridesmaids is above all to make the journey up to and through the big day smooth, memorable and enjoyable for the bride. Her attendants should demonstrate their love for her by treating one another with fairness and respect, and trying to resolve differences without getting her involved. The less she knows about conflict between bridesmaids the better, so if there’s going to be a catfight try to keep the hissing down. Rawr!

Tips for Planning a Destination Wedding

There are many reasons you may be thinking about planning your wedding outside of the region where you live. There are some couples who love to travel and would like to share this passion with their guests. Some couples have visited a region and fell in love with it, while other couples want a smaller wedding. No matter what your reason, destination weddings are becoming increasingly popular, but there are some things to think about before taking your wedding on the road.

First, realize that you give up much of the control when you plan a destination wedding. Depending upon the location of the wedding, you might not even visit the wedding site prior to the big weekend. You will need to depend on your local and regional wedding planners to make your dream day come true. Sometimes this is difficult for brides. If it’s difficult, a closer venue might work better for you.

Second, you’ll need to find a location. Destination weddings do not necessarily have to be held in the Islands, in Europe or in Fiji. The United States has some fabulous locations to plan your long distance affair; such as, Santa Barbara, Lake Tahoe, Nantucket, Martha’s Vineyard, Cumberland Island, and Anchorage just to name a few.

Third, consider your “planning team.” Destination weddings require you to communicate effectively with a planner in the location where you are getting married. While you will be working closely with the wedding planner at the hotel or resort, you may also want to consider getting a wedding planner in your area to help you find your site, help you to communicate with your on-site planner, to assist you in getting through the details/red tape, or to help you plan your wedding day or weekend activities.

Tying the knot in a far away location can be a beautiful experience and memory for everyone. If you are prepared for long distance planning—go for it!

Diamonds and Weddings Go Together

Diamonds have always represented love, loyalty, eternity, and great friendship. The traditional engagement ring has always been a part of weddings and the options available are unlimited.

Once you and your fiancé have decided on that special date for your wedding you are ready to start thinking about diamonds and diamond jewelry. If you plan on surprising your fiancé with a proposal and offer her an engagement ring, you must be prepared before you start your shopping. You must first determine your fiancé’s style and the type of diamond jewelry she will prefer. Does she prefer a “flashy” style of diamond jewelry? Do you notice your fiancé wearing dangling earrings or diamond jewelry that stands out? If you do then you will be on the hunt for something more eye-catching. If you discover that your fiancé is more of a "low-key" diamond jewelry wearer then you should probably be on the hunt for something less conservative.

Many people today discover that it is much easier shopping for engagement rings together so it is not out of the ordinary to propose and pick out an engagement ring and wedding rings later. If you are persistent on a surprise proposal and do not have a good understanding of what type of diamond jewelry your fiancé likes then you can discuss the options with her friends and family. You might be surprised to find out that they know exactly what she wants because of conversations they’ve had about diamond jewelry.

Diamonds are not just for the bride and the groom anymore. Many couples are electing to purchase diamond jewelry for their bridesmaids as bridal party gifts. There is nothing that is more memorable than diamond jewelry and electing to give such a special gift to the bridesmaids will be a gift that will forever stick in their minds.

Sip Something Special: Wedding Cocktail Ideas

Why not get your reception started with style, by offering your guests a fabulous specialty wedding cocktail? Here are a few ideas to get you started, with something for every taste and budget. If you are looking to conserve a few bucks on the bar bill but still want to serve up a little finesse, consider the following tips:

• While providing a fancy signature drink may sound like a sure way to increase your liquor tab exponentially, it can actually have the opposite effect if you offer only your drink of choice, as well as wine, beer and Champagne in lieu of having an open bar.
• Some of the following recipes are for Champagne cocktails instead of liquor drinks. This can prevent headaches for you and your guests, both figuratively and literally: Champagne is far less expensive than liquor, and also it packs less of a punch so there is a slightly better chance that your friends will behave themselves throughout the celebration…but don't count on it.
• To save even more money but still offer tantalizing toasting fare, consider using sparkling wine, Cava (Spanish sparkling wine) or Prosecco (Italian sparkling wine). These generally cost less than Champagne, but are equally festive and delicious. I am speaking from extensive taste testing and subsequent empirical fun-measuring here…all done in the name of research, of course.
• You can make any cocktail match your décor by rimming the glass with colored sugar. Who says you can't dress up a gin and tonic?

With those tidbits in mind, here are the recipes for a few delicious wedding cocktails. Cheers!

 

Wedding Belle Cocktail (This is a throwback to 1940's style cocktails…ideal if your wedding has a classic or retro theme.)

1 1/2 tsp orange juice
1 1/2 tsp cherry brandy
3/4 oz dry gin
3/4 oz Dubonnet

In a mixing glass, stir well with cracked ice. Strain into a cocktail glass.

 

Giddy Bridesmaid (This is a Wedding Punch, which is a great time-saver because it can be prepared ahead of time for a large group.)

750 ml extra-dry champagne
6 oz Cointreau or triple sec
6 oz orange juice
3 oz lime juice, unsweetened
4 oz brandy
1/2 cup sugar syrup
16 oz citrus-flavored club soda (optional)

Chill all ingredients. Dissolve sugar in orange juice. Combine everything except champagne and soda in large pitcher or bowl. Stir well. Add champagne and soda just before serving. Garnish with lemon, lime and orange slices.